"I've always been the Mistress & now it's time for Me to take the lead role!" -Ms. Monday Jones
When I first sat down to write this blog, I wanted to share some of the experiences around my dating adventures. To be honest, I've been working on this particular piece of writing for months now and found myself changing my opinions throughout the dating experience. The first few drafts of the blog were not pleasant to read but a safe outlet for me to process the emotional roller coaster with the current dating culture. Things like being ghosted, catfished, wasted energy, etc. Thinking about it now, the writing sessions of me venting would make for a great stand up comedy act.
Mmm, I'm going to think about that one. I've always wanted to do stand up...
When I started this particular blog, someone told me to "just write down what you want". This seems simple, right? I've done this practice many times before in many different ways for all sorts of different reasons. Manifestation is a powerful skill and, this is as good of a time as any to put some emphasis on this tactic. So, I thought really hard about what I wanted.
I started making lists and trying on ideas in my head. I did some online research and talking with others about subjects I find interesting. I even wrote down my financial desires and goals. I thought a lot about my career, parenting, running, higher education, etc. I have even been revisiting some past journal entries. However, I noticed, I still hadn't written my wish list in regards to the romantic relationship/s I long to attract.
Baffled by this, I started to ask myself questions like; Why is this so hard for me? What's holding me back from love? What am I afraid of? How do I own and work through my intimacy blocks? Do I have more self-healing to do? How do I change my perspective? How to interact with others without expectations and attachment?
At the first of the year, I had no issue writing down my wants in an ideal partnership but quickly realized that I needed to focus on who I want to be in relationships. I feel like I've been doing that. It's not perfect but I'm putting in the effort and seeing results. I personally find self care sexy AF.
Then the words finally came to me and I was able to write down what it is I am looking for:
I'm looking for a mutually supportive partnership, free of judgment, enrichment through connection, room for development into a successful power couple, productive growth, and most of all someone I can be 'Me' around. I have no gender preference. The person matters to me, not the genitals. I want a loving relationship/s. I need someone that loves me at the same capacity that I can love. Someone to build a life with, go workout with, stay in with, travel with and possibly come home too. All of this with a big sprinkle of romance.
That's not much to ask for. Or is it?
I understand that it may be hard to get all my wants and needs from one package. Lucky for me I practice ethical non-monogamy, and no I don't have commitment issues. I've known since my teens that I have the capacity to love and be romantically involved with more than one person at a time. So, I have an opportunity here to find relationships with more than one person. Thinking about multiple people to share my life with gets me a bit excited to continue down the road of dating.
Photos by Diego August 2019 in Portland, OR
Instagram @Arte.Digiovanni