"I've always been the Mistress & now it's time for Me to take the lead role!" -Ms. Monday Jones
Song: "Come and Find Me" by Josh Ritter (Listen HERE)
Fall of '21 started with a bang. Literally with a bang. My neighbor, two doors down from My Portland Oregon townhouse, shot herself at the beginning of September this year. I'm personally not surprised when I hear news like this. Suicide is real and on an average, one person commits suicide every 16.2 minutes. Two-thirds of the
people who commit suicide suffer from depression. Did you know that September is National Suicide Prevention Month?
Before I continue, I would like to give a warning. The subject/s I have decided to write about in this particular blog entry aren't the easiest of topics. Like most of the chapters in this blog series, this chapter also lives up to its own level of vulnerable. PS: An interesting little thing happens the days following one of My blog publications. I feel a bit raw and exposed. My A Dating Mistress blog entries are My personal journey told through an online journal. Of course, I'm openly sharing but writing still feels humbling in My exposure.
Song: "Luna" by Smashing Pumpkins (Listen HERE)
My neighbor was a middle-aged woman that moved to Oregon from Arizona in the fall of 2020. At one point, I noticed she was pregnant. Then months later, I noticed she was not, but no baby. Then I noticed she was gone. Through some neighborhood gossip, I found out she lost the baby in her third trimester to a miscarriage and then killed herself.
I don't blame her. If anything, I understand her. As mentioned multiple times in My past blog entries, I have a personal history of depression and suicidal thoughts and many miscarriages. By no means do I want to downplay suicide. Everyone is affected by suicide, not just the one that decided to end their life. I strongly believe that suicide is a human right. Everyone has the right to choose to think about it and everyone has the right to decide suicide. BUT that's just one person's opinion on a subject that doesn't get talked about as much as I think it should be.
Did you know that the State of Oregon is one out of 11 states in the United States of America that offers assisted suicide? Of course, one of the requirements is having a chronic illness. I believe being human is a chronic illness. I mean fuck, fear and control alone will 'cause anxiety, which quickly can move into depression. Society, culture, mass media, organized religion etc. are spoon feeding fear and control to all that will follow and conform. No wonder the suicide rate is so fucking high.
I've personally learned so much about living through the dying. As stated in My story on the homepage of My website MondayJones.com, I spent 15+ years as a nursing assistant in end-of-life care and oncology.
Plus, I was alive to witness a former lover transition from life to death at his ripe age of 39 from kidney cancer. Throughout My childhood and into adulthood I also had a mother, brother and child openly talk about suicide with mutual friends that then committed suicide. AND why the fuck do people say "commit suicide"?!?!? Like it's a fucking crime or something.
It doesn't feel like the general public gets exposed to the beauty of death. Yes, I said beauty. In many ways I see society, culture, mass media, organized religion, etc. spoon feeding that death is something to fear and not something we can/can't control. I say bull shit.
Maybe if the perception of death was more of a celebration, something practiced, and openly talked about, the fear and the desire to control it will/would lessen.
I've brought up this book in a past blog, BUT it feels relevant to bring it up again:
A Year to Live: How to Live This Year as If It Were Your Last by Stephen Levine.
This book truly changed My life, on so many levels.
One last thought (for now), in regards to suicide: I've heard people say that suicide is just a cop-out, an easy way out, selfish, etc. AND Annie Lennox has said, "Dying is easy, it's living that scares me to death." Well, I also say bullshit. Neither are easy. Both are hard. That's why it is called a decision and not all decisions are that cut-and-dry. I'll end this paragraph with this thought: If you are seriously considering suicide, I strongly encourage you to reach out to someone -- family, friend, neighbor, lover/ex-lover, doctor, etc. AND/OR the suicide hotline (HERE). Regardless of your decision, support is out there.
Song: "Flowers in Your Hair" by The Lumineers (Listen HERE)
Now on to a lighter topic: My dating life. Ha! That's cute, as if My dating life is light. What it is right now, is non-existent. I do find it humorous that I write a dating blog and I've been single for 95% of the existence of this particular blog series.
Okay. Okay, I'll share a little about the human I last went on a "date" with. I'll start off by saying it was a one-off kind of date. We met up at the SOHO Cigar Bar. I really like this place, and it's became a frequent spot of Mine in Manhattan. It reminds Me of the time when people could still smoke indoors without being shamed and ridiculed.
Back to My best worst date ever. Maybe that should be a blog series!
So, My date talked, a lot. AND the conversation had no rhythm. It bounced all over the place. Needless to say, he managed to chat mostly about himself and his thesis. Oh, did I mention he graduated from grad school over ten years ago from some pretentious university that I didn't give a shit enough to remember the name of.
Throughout the date, he would name drop. A lot of name dropping. Of course, I didn't recognize many, if any, of the names he dropped. AND the lame thing was: he kept name dropping even after I made it clear I didn't care. The socially awkward moments just kept coming.
While at the cigar bar, I could see that he was on a dating app when I went to the toilet. Then he walked Me home, where he grabbed My hand and proceeded to kiss Me without consent. After Me telling him I wasn't going to have sex with him, he accepted My polite, but not very inviting offer, to come inside. Nonetheless, he continued to touch Me without consent and talk mostly about sex.
Song: "The Girl" by City And Colour (Listen HERE)
Okay! Fucking annoying. No means No. Not try harder. This date soberly felt like unpaid work. Even thou My clientele would never behave this inconsiderate. BUT the killer of it all was when he gave Me his opinion about one of My friends, in My line of business. His exact words after I said, "She's sweet." were: "Hmm she looks it but it's expensive for me personally, the new MacBooks are coming out and a hour with her is half of a MacBook. So, I'll just have to wait till I can seduce you." By the way, he was inquiring about My friend in hopes to spend time with her for his soon-to-be birthday present to himself.
I shared this experience with another friend, in My line of business, and she gave Me permission to ghost him. Something I don't normally do. I really try to do unto others as I would want done to Me.
PS: I took My friend's permission AND GHOSTED THE GUY. Maybe he'll read this and have a better understanding as to why the date was a one-and-done. BUT by no means am I that conceited to think he even reads My blog/s.
Someone recently shared (without asking Me if I wanted the information) his rather judgmental opinion about My choice of music throughout My blogs over this last year. After finding out he listens to country music and what I would classify as alternative rock, I say, "Go fuck yourself." You know who you are. *winky face with a kiss emoji
PS: If you don't like My song choices, don't listen to them. Simple as that.
Song: "Sea of Love" by Cat Power (Listen HERE)
Music is a big part of My life. AND I thought that including songs into the mix of My writing was a clever way for My readers to get to experience music that inspires Me, feeds My soul, and sometimes provides a story of My life.
Song: "Brandy" by Looking Glass (Listen HERE)
My dad would play "Brandy" on his guitar while I was growing up. I probably sang it before I could walk. It was also the last song I was practicing in my recent voice lessons before I quit. Yes, I quit. I wasn't really having fun and started to dread going.
You see, My voice teacher is super worried about the Covid-19 virus, because her husband has an autoimmune-related disease. This means she isn't/wasn't in a spot to visit with people in person for lessons at her home office. So, I did her suggested Zoom classes and yeah in My opinion, singing isn't something to be taught over a computer screen.
Oh yeah, did I mention she was sick with Covid-19 for all of our online lessons and barely had a voice herself to speak, let alone sing. She told Me she got the Covid-19 virus because she attended an all-girls weekend retreat with 50 of her closest friends. She also just couldn't understand why she got sick, since she got the vaccine and everything. You can't believe how unimpressed I was.
PS: Covid-19 (like most viruses) doesn't care if you are vaccinated or not. SO, if you are honestly that concerned about the spread of Covid-19 virus, then the best thing for that is to wear a mask at all times, wash your hands often, and completely isolate yourself. That means zero contact with all others. I really hope you can understand regardless of vaccine status, the virus has spread, will spread and and is still spreading. The vaccine is not some sort of cure all to this pandemic. The vaccine is a tool that will hopefully prevent hospital patient overload and protect the fragile humans that don't have strong immune systems.
Song: "Surgery" by Joe Purdy (Listen HERE)
My current housemate and I are watching the Netflix series called "Maid" (View HERE). Yes, you got that right. I have another houseguest. I learned a lot of lessons from My last housemate/guest that I discuss in My blog entry "A Dating Mistress: Summer '21 Part 1" (Read HERE). I was able to put down better and clearer boundaries with the current one.
To be honest, it's rather natural dialogue for him and I. You see, the present houseguest and I have a history. He is the one that suggested My current line of work nearly ten years ago. He took My first set of photos for My first ever advertisements on Back Page. he was a past personal submissive, and even though our D/s relationship eventually ended, We/we knew Our/our love and admiration for each other would never part.
The lovely thing was: My intuition told Me he was coming. I even knew that We/we were going to share a home together. Well, maybe not him in particular, BUT a past love/lover was coming. AND I could feel it was going to be mutually beneficial and quite healing. So far so good.
Just the two of Us/us watching the show "Maid" has sparked a fiery subject for Me to process: domestic violence. I told you My topics for this certain blog weren't going to be "easy" subjects. However, instead of ending this blog with a bang similar to how it started, I'll save something for future blog posts. There's plenty of time for My deeper thoughts, personal stories, and healing through BDSM in regards to domestic violence, abuse, toxic behaviors etc. to come.
I have a few little tidbits to add before signing off. It takes an average of 7 times before a person will end the cycle of domestic violence completely. If you ever see a purple porch light, it's there to bring awareness to incidents of domestic violence. Here are two resources: the domestic violence resource center website (View HERE) and the domestic violence hotline (View HERE). Domestic violence is real, it comes in many different forms, and there is no excuse for it.
EEEeeekkk! Yeah okay. So I'll be in hiding for the first few days after posting this particular written publication. AND I've already started on the next blog entry, before I made this one live. AND yeah. That's it. 'Til next time!
To someday and beyond...
Song: "Take Me Home, Country Roads" by John Denver (Listen HERE)
PS: You'll find a version of "Country Roads" that I sang and recorded at the bottom of My gallery page on My website (view HERE), along with some dated podcast interviews.
"Why Some People Don't Want to Solve Conflict in a Relationship" by Teal Swan (Watch HERE)
"If You See a Purple Porch Light, This Is What It Means" (Read HERE)
Song: "I Could Have Lied" by Red Hot Chili Peppers (Listen HERE)
*I was introduced to Red Hot Chili Peppers by one of My middle school tutors while living in Issaquah, Washington.
Photos taken in Portland, Oregon, November 2020