Updated: Apr 29
"I've always been the Mistress & now it's time for Me to take the lead role!" -Ms. Monday Jones
More like April snow and hail. What the fuck was that, Pacific Northwest? Is weather warfare a thing? Or is this just global warming/climate change?
Enough about the weather and more about flowers. I love flowers! My favorite flowers are roses and tulips. When I was little, My grandmother had a garden dedicated to roses. I remember that she told Me that guardian angels talk to us through flowers. She spent quite a bit of time in her flower garden tending to her rose babies and talking with her angels.
Since moving out on My own, I make sure I have flowers placed somewhere around My house. Either bouquets throughout the interior or flowers planted outside of My home. As I'm writing this blog entry, three vases full of tulips in a variety of colors are placed strategically around My living room in My Portland townhouse. AND I did share in a blog post A Dating Mistress: Spring 2022 (Read HERE) that one of the first things I do when I arrive at My Manhattan studio is purchase a bundle of flowers from the neighborhood plant shop.
SONG: "The Beautiful Girls" by la Mar (Listen HERE)
So let Me return to the subject of home for a sec. I'm in the process of looking for a new one. Being nomadic at heart, I know My true "home" is where My heart is. BUT I have children, dogs, and I've gathered some other material items along the way. Truth be told, a part of Me has a thing for nesting and creating beautiful spaces.
Okay, there's no reason to lie here. I'm fearing this housing transition. I haven't had to deal with a mortgage for the last two years, and that has felt cozy and financially secure. I'm certainly feeling stressed about making this leap.
I feel like I made a huge leap last November when I took on the responsibilities of My New York City co-op monthly dues. Plus, My 21-year-old still financially relies on Me from time to time. So yeah, being mortgage free in My Portland, Oregon townhouse has been a blessing, but maybe a bit of a curse, too, because now I feel too cozy and scared to take on a new mortgage with a new home purchase.
I'm pretty sure the next house is already out there just waiting for the perfect time to present itself. I just need to eliminate some of this fear before the leap. I'll shack it off. I just need a tiny bit more time to mental process the bound.
Don't get Me wrong, I do enjoy a good fear boner every now and then, BUT a house purchase is a big deal and the boner is distracting. I'll make sure to do My research. I prefer educated decisions. Really, I shouldn't be that afraid. I've already had some practice with My prior two housing purchases. AND ultimately, I know I can change My mind at any time.
No, I can't necessarily go back. Why would I want to "go back"? I just know I can make new plans if the current plans aren't fitting right. Ugh! Another mortgage sounds like adulting on a whole new level. I'll make sure to get a good realtor and loan officer. That will definitely help support the journey.
I want the next house to have a back yard or dog park nearby for My boys Po Po Tiny and Bruce. Maybe room for a rose garden. I would love to have an ADU or mother-in-law quarters, too. Or at least space to build one. I need two bathrooms, living with a teenager and all. AND maybe three bedrooms, just in case My 21-year-old has to move in. OR better yet, if I want a lover to live with Me. They'll need their own room. BUT I also could use the third room as an office or guest bedroom.
*Don't mind Me just manifesting and shit.
“The two hardest tests on the spiritual road are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter.”
DomCon Los Angeles is May 18 through May 22, 2022. I will be attending as a Guest of Honor. This is quite the honor, too. I'm excited and a bit nervous about the event. To be honest, I'm kinda shy. Luckily, there are nine Guests of Honor, and the attention will be distributed amongst all of us and not just shining on Me.
I will have My sub violet joining Me in LA. Since this year has more demand on My time, I figured I could use her service. I also decided to take My make-up artist Kelly Lynn. (View HERE). A traveling stylist is a first for Me. It feels so glam, too.
I've been modeling since I was 13 years old, so you think I would know a thing or two about hair and make-up. BUT I don't. I mean I did go through a make-up phase in My late 20's and early 30's. I actually wore it daily when I worked at the hospital during My nursing days. However, make-up skills are like a foreign language to Me. If I don't use it, I lose it.
I know I need to make DomCon a little extra for Myself this year. I really wanted to feel My best and be on My game. So, I felt like hiring My make-up artist would give Me that extra I am seeking. Yes, I too worry about My image. I am human, remember.
The struggle for self-love and acceptance is real. I've gained 10 to 15 lb and grew out of My fat pants since My surgery last December. Ugh! This is annoying. I really despise shopping for pants. I will admit that My tits look great with this weight gain. BUT I also hate shopping for bras.
SONG: "So Fresh, So Clean" by Outkast (Listen HERE)
I've been identified by My "numbers" majority of My life. HA! There I go again, talking about numbers. This time I'm referring to My weight and measurements: bust line, waistline, hips, etc. I refer to them as My stats. I even have to enter them onto advertisement platforms when posting My ads. In many ways, I am judged by My numbers. What do you think that can do to a person's psyche?
Well, I have definitely allowed it to crush Me at different times in My life. In the past, I starved Myself to dysphoria and over trained Myself to malnutrition. Thank goodness I bounced back, and I have no intentions of traveling down that road again. I currently have a personal trainer/nutritionist that specializes in eating disorders and not overtraining athletes.
I will share that even in middle age, I too am still learning how to accept My body, mind and spirit in every moment. I try by setting manageable goals with frequent reviews. I'm not wishing to go back in time to a skinner Me. I mean, fuck, that was hard to maintain; under eating and over exercising. Fuck no, I don't want to "go back."
I have so many other focuses right now that I cannot clock in 40 hours a week of working out and I'm really grumpy when I don't eat. I do want to feel comfortable in My body and feel like I look good. Plus, I want to stay healthy and strong as I recover from surgery and take time off competitive running. BUT most of all, I'm tired of not fitting in My clothes.
Update on the new Italian boi friend! If you didn't hear already, read the blog post before this one: A Dating Mistress: My New Italian boi Friend (Read HERE). We'll see how long this boi will last. He feels more like a baby boi than a boi friend. Come to find out, the Italian boi baby is a very jealous person.
*Jealousy + My Career/Lifestyle = No Go
When you get jealous, you are ultimately blocking your personal success. I'm not a fan of jealousy. By no means am I saying I don't ever feel jealous. I've just learned that when jealousy or envy arise for Me, it's usually a symptom of some deeper emotion related to My personal insecurities.
SONG: "Roses" by Outkast (Listen HERE)
I absolutely adore all the connections and relationships I have cultivated thus far in My life. All of them, especially the professional ones. I don't want to come off greedy, but I really do desire to have a live in partnership. I'm not sure if I could live with the person 100% of the time, just saying. BUT I'm definitely ready for a day-to-day lover.
You know, the one you cook meals with, sleep next to on the regular and plan vacations together. We would see each other's dirty laundry and shit with the door open. Yeah, I long for that level of vulnerability in a relationship. I have no doubt we can find a living arrangement that will work out for the both of us. Luckily for Me, I travel plenty for work. So, even if we did share a permanent residential address together, it might not feel like we're living together 100% of the time due to the travel schedule I keep.
SONG: "Train Song" by Feist & Ben Gibbard (Listen HERE)
I've been thinking about writing Femdom erotica. I could use My sessions with My submissive's as inspiration. I could even read the stories on My Manyvids (View HERE). Maybe read them topless. Mmmm, this sounds like a delicious idea, and I need My sub violet to add it to My "to do list."
I could set up a Patreon: a monthly membership site where My fans could access My written erotica and My other uncensored content. I could even make little video clips that go with the written erotica. I'm really liking this idea. I'm going to lean into it.
Keep your eyes open for My Patreon page soon!
You'll find Me in New York City April 28-May 4, 2022. This trip, I'll be spending some much-needed time with My birthday sister Lucille Ballbuster (View Website HERE). Lucy and I have plans to attend the Domme-Nation NYC event at 3F Studios (Fetlife Invite HERE). I'm not much for pick-up play with strangers at public events, BUT you never know what kind of mood I'll be in AND you just might witness Me in action.
Los Angeles: May 18 -May 22, 2022
New York City: May 26 -June 2, 2022
New York City: June 18-24, 2022
New York City: July 8-16, 2022
TED TALK: How Childhood Trauma Affects Health Across a Lifetime | Nadine Burke Harris (Watch HERE)
YOUTUBE: Cleanse Your Chakras: Kundalini Pranayama Practice (Watch HERE)
SONG: "Monday Monday Monday" by Tegan and Sara (Listen HERE)
YOUTUBE: How to Make Your Perfect Partner Find You | Abraham Hicks (Watch HERE)
WEBSITE: La Domaine (View HERE)
BOOK: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman (View HERE)
Photos taken March 2022 in New York City, NY
by Mark Marker Production
Instagram View HERE