Updated: May 9, 2021
"I've always been the Mistress & now it's time for Me to take the lead role!" -Ms. Monday Jones
Yay Spring! AND Holy shit Seasonal affective disorder is real. These last few months have been rough for Me, in regards to the weather. I'm very much affected by the earth's energy and I usually opt out on being around for the winters here in the Pacific Northwest. As we move into the warmer, sunnier and longer days, it feels like everyone here in the PNW took Molly (a form of the drug ecstasy) and now slowly regaining their vitamin D levels back to a functioning zone. I know the sunshine is putting a grin on My face.
The winters in Portland Oregon are dark, dank and depressing. I am happy to be saying hello to spring by diving deeper into the longer days full of light. However I'm not sure if the spring time here is any
better with it's extreme bipolar weather tantrums. I will say, the last few months have offered Me an opportunity to day dream of the many locations I wish to not only travel to but possibly purchase future properties in. you know, manifesting and shit.
I know, I know, you would rather Me be telling you all about the girl I was kissing on in My last blog (Read HERE). Well, I first feel like I need to start with an update before moving into My personal dating life. Yes, an update. A lot as gone on in a short amount of time. Plus, the Mistress is facilitating the flow here. *Smiles
Where to begin?
I'm being hunted by numbers. Maybe "hunted" isn't the right word but I'm seeing certain number sequences showing up everywhere; licenses plates, phone numbers, addresses, receipts etc. The number patterns are; double, triple and quad number groups, mirrored numbers, area codes, birth dates, anniversaries and of course the number 420. All these numbers made me recall when I was a small child and I was somehow able to read messages in numbers. I was really successful with number puzzles and games. I also excelled at math even though I was not able to read, write or speak without a lisp for the first decade of life.
Side Note: Obviously, I did eventually learn how to read, write and talk but only after I took up running as a competitive sport at the age 9. Odd? I don't think so. I believe the movement of running ultimately helped with rewiring My brain.
Okay back to numbers for a sec. I started to think about all the hidden messages in the number patterns and what they may be telling Me. I found Myself revisiting numerology. Which was fun and all but I still felt like the numbers were trying to tell Me something more. In My numerous google searches I came across Angel Numbers.
Of course, this got Me going with this theory of messages in numbers. Then, I let My mind wander to all the people that work with numbers and how many messages they receive and/or gift out, without any idea of the means behind the numbers and number sequences. I'll add links to the two books I'm currently using as references for angel number meanings at the bottom of this read.
Moving on to other key things going on in My life...
I've been practicing non-duality, no wrong or right, the just "IS" vibes and being in the present moment as much as possible. The present moment can be boring sometimes, not going to lie. However, I am noticing the most fabulous changes in My life with being in the NOW. Which makes it totally worth it. WIN!
The biggest observation I've made with these lifestyle shifts are, My stress levels are so incredibly low, almost as if they are non-existent. AND transitions between this and that roll smoothly like a Cadillac sailing the open roads. Really, I'm serious. I'm so chill. (AND no, it's not all the pot smoking). Even My kids said something to Me about it. Any-who, the other thing I've witnessed is that, I'm fucking good at detaching. Like 16 hours a week playing a video game on My phone good detaching. Fucking cunt! That is a part time job!
I mean, I could classify that as self care, I guess. Even so, I am proud of Myself for not falling back in that old habit of negative self talk and shaming Myself for the time spent on video games instead of other important tasks that I was procrastinating. I just observed the behavior, and asked Myself "Why?"
Sharing time: Sometimes I do this thing I call purposeful procrastination. However, lately I have noticed, I get addicted to the emotional turmoil that can arise with putting things off. you know, the excitement anxiety or fear boner of either getting the task done or not. Oh I just love the feels. *intoxicating grin
Take Note: I'm a sadomasochist, that goes way beyond sexual gratification. Well, that might help explain Me better.
Living in the present moment, for Me, is moving through the day with great intention and remaining in the NOW. I'm practicing less 'doing' and more 'being' and when "doing" I'm trying to "be" more intentional. Not too sure if that made much sense to you all, but it did to Me. AND Well, I'm the Mistress. So there. Mmm yeah, when I'm detaching, I'm doing it with intention, right? Oh the lies we tell ourselves... *Endearing grin
I'm currently reading this book called Radical Honesty. The writer kinda sucks and he admits it and I am agreeing. BUT hell, I really shouldn't be talking. I'm sure there's some haters out there cheering Me on.
Anyways, this book is about livin' in your truth by telling the truth and basically not givin' fucks. I strongly resonate and recommend this book. I do give fair warning; The book is not written or edited well. The author fucking cusses, has no respect for grammar and he bounces all over the place. Crap, you can't even tell, if the genre of the book is self help, poetry, journalism, psychology, folklore, etc. It's messy and raw.
Maybe, I relate with his writing because we share a similar style. Just saying maybe...
With all this radical honesty it's time to segway into the topic of My Personal Dating Life. Yay! The real juicy part! (BUT not really). I'll start with, if I wrote this blog only two weeks prior to the publishing date, it would have looked a hella lot different. I could back track a bit for you all and bring you all up to speed. Here goes...
It all started 28 years ago, at the age of 13 when My dating career really began. Okay okay, we don't need to go back that far. AND yes, I was an early bloomer. No judgement. *cheeky smile
So, two weeks before this blog's publication, I wanted to share that I had Hoes in different area codes. There's quite a statement in that last sentence, right? As if I'm a player or something. PS "Player" definitely has been a word to describe Me. I mean fuck, who doesn't want their cake and eat it too. PSS Please bring ice cream. *blush
Alright, coming clean now. (I would rather be cumming. *BIG grin). SO, for the last 18 months I've been dating a sweet spicy red head in Los Angeles (Hints LA as main location of Mine for the last two years). If you've been watching Me closely, then you may already be aware of My connection with Aine Patrick. I have not been very transparent in My blogs about it till now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm only sharing it now because, 1. I have permission and 2. it fits with the rest of the story. By the way, Aine and I recently transitioned our relationship and no longer refer to the other as 'girlfriend'. We do plan to work together and support each other the best we can as we move forward on our own paths. It was a sad happy moment. you know, non-duality.
Now, for the kissy kissy girl I spoke of in My last blog entry. (Read HERE). She's in New York City and yes I also have consent to write about her too. (Consent is sexy. AF!) We've been just getting to know each other, from a distance these last few months. BUT if being radically honest is My jam then I would say, she's just a distraction and I have a gut feeling our relationship ended before it began.
Ouch, did I just say that out loud? This radical honesty is refreshing. I suggest you give it a go. It's a complete glow up of your authentic self. Really! Why would I lie?
Confession: I've referred to Myself as "single" the majority of My 28 years dating, even while married.
AND if I want to be real here with all of you and with Myself. I was really never "single" because up until recently, I was too afraid to 'be alone'. I would call that fear codependency. Now, I would rather be alone then be with someone due to fear and/or other toxic attachments.
I'm hanging up the seeking heart energy in which does not serve Me. I'm focusing on Myself and not looking at outside sources to fulfill Me. That means people, places, things, and activities. I'm living in the non-dualism of alone together. Which feels a lot like the color RED. It's soooo freeing too, like driving with the top down in the 64' Impala GOOD. It's absolute ZEN living in this balance.
To Me, dualism feels like a game people have to play in order to exist in the collective illusion that many call life. While living in non-duality means, there's no right or wrong, bad or good, naughty or nice. There's not even alone or together. There just "IS" and nothing is separate. The shifts in My perspective have been a grand catalyst for removing the poison from My inner dialogue that has only kept Me from living in the present moment.
Non-dualism equals the TRUTH.
Song on Repeat: Shut Me Down By Haute (Listen HERE)
Parenting is going smoothly and in many ways very enjoyable lately. Work is work, and rapidly diversifying in all avenues of My craft. I'm still looking for the perfect Manhattan apartment but in no hurry with the flex going on in the city post Covid-19 pandemic. Meanwhile, I am looking at purchasing property in Italy or
else where along the Mediterranean Sea.
Plus, I'm day dreaming about other places that would suit My lifestyle and the desire to escape the Pacific Northwest winters. I really don't mind the cold. It's the combo of dark, wet and cold. So, maybe Colorado or Nevada, for ultra running training purposes (and cannabis), of course. Or Australia and say "Fuck you winter!" all together as I chase the never ending summer by hoping from the North South hemisphere.
Ekk the future is exciting!
I've finally made a decision to make forward movement with My company Hard Point Pictures with adding "and Studios" to My LLC. I'm in the beginning stages of building a website where I will sell My own produced adult kinky queer erotica. I look forward to making cinema porn I would actually want to jerk off to. *Teethy smile
The lifestyle podcast 'One Joint Conversation' is on it's way and in hopes to release it's first episode in June 2021.
Ultra Marathon Training is going uber well. I have two amazing female coaches that are kicking My ass into shape for this 100 mile race in June, The Great New Yorker 100 Miles and a journey run I'm crew/pacer for, planned this August/September. I'm loving every sadomasochistic moment of it too! Bonus: They are both educated with training female athletes that follow a female physiology train plan (training with the female hormone cycle instead of against), as suggested in the epic book Roar.
Twin Flame Update: I was debating on sharing anything about My journey and/or My Divine Masculine. (The Gentleman I speak of so frequently throughout My A Dating Mistress series). I will say, I'm pretty sure He's reading My blogs and/or looking on My social media platform/s. Oh No! Did I call You out? OR I'm I stocking Your cock? I mean ego.
*cheeky BUT loving smirk
Alright, I didn't say that to be conceited. I said it because My spidey senses can pick it up. I'm getting energetic intuitive signs and synchronicities that keep bringing Me back to Him. Even Our last in person run in was a bit of a movie moment, if I do say so Myself. BUT No wait, Let's back track to non-dualism for a minute.
We're never separate. I'm not just referring to My Twin Flame and I. Yes, We do share the same Soul and yes We too are never apart. (Hints why We can feel One another so intensely). BUT I mean all of human kind are not separate. We are all ONE in the collective consciousness. It's just, not everyone is sensitive enough to the energies and/or in touch with Higher Self to fully embrace and/or comprehend the collective consciousness. PS We ALL have the capability to... ,
Now back to that movie moment I teased you with. It was the first nice day of 2021 here in Portland Oregon and I was out driving My 1975 Chevy Nova SS after a photo shoot that happened to be close to the classic car shop I use. Which also happens to be right next to My Divine Masculine's place of work. It was late afternoon, so I thought He would be well on His way home and I didn't pick up His energy being present in the neighborhood. Hindsight, My intuitive blinders were down that day and blocking My intuition.
YO! I LEFT OUT! I woke up that morning feeling sweet fuzzy and soft loving at first that quickly changed into being nervous excited. Which I do recall that being odd emotions to navigate that day because there wasn't anything out of the norm on My calendar or going on in My life that would produce these feels.
Even My photographer/stylist of 3 years said something about it at the photo shoot. We just played it off, as maybe the excited nervousness was because of the content we were focusing on that day.
I was flying My freak flag pretty high during the shoot and I could tell it was making the room uncomfortable BUT no one was really saying anything. Passive, I know. *eye roll
By the way, My stylist ended our relationship shortly after that photo shoot. Truthfully, I knew that her and I weren't a good fit from the beginning, but it happened out of convenience and then laziness. Ugh, I can't believe the relationship with her carried on that long. I have learned a dear lesson with this observation too.
EEEKKKK! So, much transparency. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable. Okay, now back to the movie...
As I drove through the neighborhood to go to My car shop, I come up on a T intersection, where I had the stop sign. I looked both ways before proceeding to make My left hand turn and there was My Twin Flame's parked car on the right hand side of the street. I giggled a little as My eyes caught something shiny. It was someone opening a garage door that happened to be across from where I was stopped. I inspected the body from feet up, spying a classic Mustang behind them as I scanned up their torso only to reveal the face of My Twin Flame as the door passed over the person's head.
He gave Me a casual hip wave and a sly smile with a cocked head, as if We were old bros and made plans to meet there the night before. I returned His wave through My illegally tinted windows using My hand that was on My steering wheel. Then cocked My head to match His. We locked eyes FOR-like-EVER! AND all I could hear was His voice piercing "She's Mine." through My windshield with a heartbeat echo floating around inside the cab of My classic Nova.
I sat gripping the wheel patiently in awe, shaking My head as I watched Him walk over to the driver side of His classic Mustang. He gets behind the wheel and smiles at Me. (Seriously, it almost seemed staged for a commercial show down: Ford vs Chevy). He quickly shooed Me away with a forceful nod and bugged eyes, as the shadow of the other woman was coming up from behind His car in the garage. I sped off almost hitting another vehicle as I made My get away before she could see Me.
Other then the occasional 5D visit in My dreams and random psychic downloads, My Divine Masculine and I are still in silence. At least at the time I am writing this blog entry. Who know's, maybe it's because the other woman is still lingering around (or latching on) and He's not entirely "single". Or maybe He just doesn't want what's offered, right now. Maybe there's too much thinking with the head and not navigating with the SOUL. Or He could have an idea of what His life should look like AND maybe I'm way too outside the box for Him to understand the where/what/why/how it all fits together.
Honestly, it's assumptions until confirmed through broken silence. I will say, there's definitely an element of stubbornness and/or desire for control. Possibly coming from the both of Us. Whatever the "Maybe", it's as if the BILLBOARD signs are being over looked and unnecessary energy is stalling the inevitable.
I have a knowing, We'll circle back around to ONE another once again, either in this life time or the next. It's kinda the thing that just happens on the Twin Flame journey and WELL May-Be because I'm a psychic empath, I just feel it. I'm sure the meeting will happen unexpectedly, when it does. BUT by no means, am I waiting and/or viewing My Twin Flame as My last chance for LOVE.
If anything, I see Him as ONE of many teachers I will encounter during My human life span who has taught Me a great deal about LOVE, the Power of Self LOVE and LIVING LIFE through authentic Self. Seriously, what a rad honor to have encountered; My Twin Flame, My mirrored SOUL to guide Me back to MYSELF.
I just HOPE I've been able to teach Him a thing or two along His personal journey as well...
Okay, I poked at My Divine Masculine enough. Time to wrap this lengthy blog entry up.
Song on Repeat: Honeybee by The Head and the Heart (Listen HERE)
My last words here are: I've got some more patterns of Mine that I'm ready to shift. That way I can have EVEN a more fulfilling relationship with Myself, with others and well, with LIFE living as a "human being" in this "human being" experience. I'm learning to be single, completely single. AND I'm enjoying the lovely independence intertwined with interdependence among Myself and with the world around Me.
Now on to watch shopping! (My Apple Watch has stopped collecting My workout date accurately). *sad face
Time to get rid of the things that do not serve you. Happy Spring Cleaning Yo!
Song on Repeat: Story by ODIE (Listen HERE)
Angel Number book References:
Photographed in February 2021