"I've always been the Mistress & now it's time for Me to take the lead role!" -Ms. Monday Jones
I kissed a girl! That's right! Now this A Dating Mistress blog is getting somewhere. I don't know about you, but man I've been personally waiting for this, for awhile now. AND maybe, just maybe I'll get to keep kissing her through the year of 2021. Eeekkk! Now that's exciting to think about!
Okay okay, besides! Making out with a woman that strongly resembles this person in a "Soulmate" drawing I received last summer, I also rang in the new year sipping on a pale ale (My first alcoholic drink in 42 months), sitting in first class on a flight from Denver Colorado to Portland Oregon. Of course, now I only want to fly first class and with TSA pre-boarding, duh. *eye roll
I think My quote for this year so far is "Just WOW!" The Self discoveries I've already made are very life altering. It really feels like I've had some major breakthroughs after 40+ years in isolation and inner solitude. I'm not joking. AND I'm not sure yet if I'll ever really come out of deep contemplation. It seems to be part of My purpose. Or something like that...
I briefly mentioned, in My last A Dating Mistress: Holiday Season 2020 Part 2 Blog (read HERE), that I was processing addictions and obsessions with underlying codependency issues. Of courses there's way more involved than those three key words on the list that is intertwined in this "mental" process. There's also words like; jealousy, Self destruction, personal abandonment, ego, doubt AND yeah I can go on and on and on with words like these. BUT after awhile they are nothing but words, right?. *curious face
I have never really been one to hide from My addictions and learned along the way that I am basically addicted to MORE. I want MORE of whatever is making Me feel and/or connect. It doesn't even matter where on the spectrum I am on when I'm "feeling" it either. I just want MORE of it. These deadly sins have played out in many different scenarios with lots of variety throughout My life.
The Laundry List of Monday Jones's Addictive Substances aka Deathly Sins
*in no particular order
Sex and all thing to do with sexual anything. *One time I watched porn for 18 hours straight and yes My crotch was sore after that binge
Drugs & Alcohol. *I have a decade or more under My belt of prescription drug use with sprinkles of alcohol abuse here and there
Penis. *Period
Food. *The full gamut here from starving Myself to over eating
Exercise. *Duh I'm a fucking Ultra Runner
Work/Money. *I'm totally married to My job and still trying to find a work/play balance and Mmmm I just started playing the stock market
Sleep. *Because dream land aka 5D is sometimes more fun then the 3D
Education. *Knowledge is expansiveness
Power/Control. *Fuck, I made a career out of it
The inner dialogue. *The chaos of the "what if's" clouding the perspective of the present moment
Tarot/Oracle Card Decks. *most recent obsession where I purchased 111 new decks as a way to study, educate and draw muse from as I develop My own decks
I know I've got more to add to the ever growing list of My deadly sins. I am 41 this month (on January 26th) and that's half a lifetime of experiences. AND for some reason I chose to run fast on a rough path. Plus, I'm pretty sure I flirt somewhere on the spectrum of ADHD and/or autism BUT never received a proper diagnosis due to My parents fear of western medicine and lack of knowledge. So yeah, I had to pretty much figure out how to operate in My surroundings at any given point. This might be why I gravitated towards modeling and acting at such a young age and why I am such a good Shapeshifter. *puzzled look
Anyways, I believe you get the idea with My list above. AND, well, maybe after seeing My transparency in regards to My addiction, it offers you a safe space to evaluate yours. I've been coming to terms with this aspect of Myself as I mature and understand that My addictions are part of My heart seeking connection and/or filling a void...
So moving on to Dick!
If you haven't heard already, here goes. I have this thing I call "Penis Envy". Yep, that's a thing! I know I'm not alone with this jealous feeling and/or fear of miss out (FOMO). I did grow up in the 80's/90's and that was definitely a man's world era. To the point that if a woman wanted to participate, they had to be like "A Man". Whatever the fuck that means.
Anyhow, I know for a fact this obsession with penis started young. I remember being fascinated with the fact boys could stand up to pee. So, what did I do? I learned and taught My girl cousins how to stand up to pee. Frankly it's a kick ass skill to have when I really need to relieve Myself while out and there's no public toilet available. Of course it works better when wearing a skirt or dress. *Awkward grin
I've noticed not a lot of people want to talk about jealousy. There seems to be a negative energy around the word and/or emotion. Well, I get that most people want to detach from not so pleasant emotions BUT I know for Me, if I suppress My feelings, they just play out in different signs and symptoms. Which ends up physically hurting My life in a toxic way. That's why I practice allowing Myself to feel and try My best to apply emotional intelligence while expressing the feeling/s. A constant practice and easier said than done.
A great book that has helped and continues to guide Me to communicate with emotional intelligence is Nonviolent Communication.
Okay Okay, back to "Penis Envy..."
You see, I have this thing for Cocks and well when it comes down to it... I act as if every dick I touch, is Mine. Yes, I understand that some of you think that's hot. I don't blame you. I think if I heard someone else say that, besides Me, I would totally say "That's hot." just like Paris Hilton. Didn't she try to copy right, patent or trade mark that saying?
Whatever, we be talking about Dick here not popular sayings from 20 years ago. So, yeah as I take bits into My "Penis Envy," I chew on the fact that Dick energy is everywhere; film/TV, politics, the work place, My kids school, the internet, social media, porn industry, etc. I realize that I really have to let go of My toxic masculinity energy and embrace more of My pussy power. I need to balance it out. You see it's not Yin AND Yang. It's Yin Yang.
I mean come on, times are a changing! I personally found watching the 2021 Inauguration to be inspirational and blessed that My children are apart of great American history of not only seeing a woman in the presidential office but an African American woman as Vice President. Go Harris! The closest female presidential candidate I got growing up with was Lisa Simpson. Ha! That's kinda funny and cute to reminisce about.
Okay okay, now back to Pussy Power. You see, I've finally got tired of feeling off balance or inflexible. I saw how My over compulsive thinking and My addictions were ruling My life. I made a decision to change AND, just like that, Monday Jones is cured. No more engaging in the 7 deadly sins for Monday Jones. Ugh! If it were only that easy. No, BUT I did sign up for hypnosis at Pdx Hypnosis. Only one session in, so we'll see how that evolves.
As I say "Hello January '21", I'm also saying good-bye to plenty of My old ways. It feels a lot like a snake shedding its skin. It's needed in order to grow but, a bit painful and at times I feel a little raw. Now that I've got new skin, I've cleaned out My closet to make room for an upgrade to My wardrobe. Especially the running gear printed with My logo.
Not only new clothes for this Goddess in 2021, BUT I've commissioned a Portland local tattoo artist Cricket Elijah to cover more than half My body in her art work. Then I gifted My right leg to My brat Penelope Davenport, who just graduated from tattoo school fall of 2020. It will be rad to see "Penny D's" craft develop with each tattoo down My leg.
Of course I'm putting emphasis on My inner environment too. I still meet with My naturopath Dr. Chris Metro at Portland Clinic of Holistic Health every 3 months for check ups and health plan adjustments. Plus, I just signed up for a regular monthly maintenance colonic at Chakra 17 West after a series of 4. Sorry not sorry if that was too much information. BUT, seriously, I feel like a new person without that old shit, literally old shit in My body.
As for My soul work, I joined a conscious expansion group. My first group thing, like this. Other then that one time I tried AA. If that counts. So, far I've only listened to recordings from past meetings and we'll see if I get the guts to enter a live meeting. From time to time, I'm known to be shy, when contributing in large public conversation or when the spot light is on Me. AND, I believe this group has somewhere around 3,000 members with an average of 500 active listeners at the live meet ups.
However, I seem to put My shyness aside as Olen Midnight and I leap into the beginning stages of a life style podcast, The One Joint Topic. Yeah I know, but with Our podcast We'll have editing magic in Our favor, duh. *grin
By the way, it's coming along wonderfully and We're looking forward to sharing it with the world, soon-ish.
I'm also at the start of a larger production job with a few New York City film makers. We're due to film this spring/summer. I'm really really excited about this project. Oh yeah! AND! Some how, a too good to be true, Portland local author and musician reached out to Me to see if I wanted to collaborate on some music with them. Of course I said "Fuck yeah."
All in all I feel like I've already done a great deal of ripening, even while writing this blog! I feel fabulous about saying Ciao to the things holding Me back and thrilled to express the upgraded Me. I know am still learning to just love Myself in every developmental stage and embrace the NOW.
Yes, the unknown is a bit scary BUT doesn't seem so bad when you're experiencing it, one moment at a time. By no means should this blog entry insinuate I regret My past. I wouldn't be who I am today without it, right?. AND, well, I am human with a reptilian brain, so I feel like it's only fair to cut Myself a little slack because honestly when it comes down to it, I didn't know then what I know now. *winky face
Happy New Year you all!
More on Nonviolent Communication HERE
The 7 Deadly Sins: According to Roman Catholic theology, the seven deadly sins are the seven behaviors or feelings that inspire further sin. They are typically ordered as: pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth.
Photography by Shawnalee Studios
November 2020