"I've always been the Mistress & now it's time for Me to take the lead role!" -Ms. Monday Jones
Yay! It's time to return to the light!
I wrapped up 2020 traveling via Airstream through Eastern Oregon/Washington, Idaho, Montana (West Glacier), Utah, Wyoming into Denver Colorado, where I spent a week visiting with friends, clients and, of course, training in some altitude for My next ultra foot adventure. I left My Portland Oregon home on December 21st, Winter Solstice and decided to kick off the trip with a week long social media detox. Pulling out of My driveway at sunset, I went straight for a drive by hug from one of My favorite people (My cousin) who happens to live in Spokane Washington.
*Side Note: I went to college in Spokane.
Not going to lie, the drive was long, yet never boring. I kept Myself entertained by listening to a lot of audio books on consciousness and self growth. Plus I listened to NPR and a shit ton of holiday music. My other radio choices kinda sucked; pop country and/or religious stations.
West Glacier was a dream to run in and beautiful on the eyes. I watched the star nights for hours in Big Sky Country. I smoked delicious cannabis and ate yummy food (mostly snacks). I hosted solo spontaneous dance parties, anywhere and everywhere I felt it was needed. I soaked in 107 degree hot springs on Christmas Day. However the number one thing I practiced the most was, living in the moment while enjoying the pace. I feel like My social media hiatus was a brilliant reset and a much needed reminder of the power of NOW.
Oh yeah! My tiny dog aka Bruce loves to travel and felt like top dog without his brother, Po Po Tiny around.
Did you think I was going to draw out this blog with every little detail of My road trip? Naw, I would rather not. Let's just say, the trip was like a mini spiritual boot camp with significant results. *blissful smile
Monday's Book Recommendations
1. The Power of Now by Eckart Tolle
2. The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer
3. The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
1.1 Agreement 1: Be Impeccable With Your Word. 1.2 Agreement 2: Don't Take Anything Personally. 1.3 Agreement 3: Don't Make Assumptions. 1.4 Agreement 4: Always Do Your Best.
4. Wherever You Go There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn PhD
*Highly recommend
I just want to take a minute and say; Um congratulations Oregon for decriminalizing all drugs (read more HERE) and passing the use of Psilocybin mushroom in therapy settings (read more HERE)
Times are changing as we move into the Age of Aquarius. By the way, I'm an Aquarius! *DOB January 26th
If you've been reading My past blogs and/or following along on social media, you may already know what kinda year 2020 has gifted Me; an amazing 4oth birthday bash, covid-19 diagnosis, the purchase of My dream car: A Black 1975 Chevy Nova SS, scary health stuff with a blood cot or 5, My mortgage paid in full by My pay pig, and Manhattan apartment hunting.
You also might remember reading about 2019 being My dark night of the soul, a major break up with a man I proposed marriage to. Which, I've been writing about for the last year, and that I'm currently on a twin flame journey.
FYI "Twin Flame" is the term used for one soul two bodies.
I will admit, I definitely got carried way in the romance of the twin flame concept and the chase of the unreclaim love from My male counterpart. Well, until recently. I began to realize the purpose of our meeting and how to move forward with the information the universe presented Me with. I've finally let go of the desire of the actual person and flipped the focus back on Me and My authentic self.
Maybe this would make more sense if I started at the beginning and shared the process of My discovery of twin flames aka soul alignment...
I was born on January 26th 1980 at 2:15am off an Indian reservation in the city of Yakima Washington. Okay NO! I'm not got to start there. Come on?! My last blog was a lengthy one. I'll try to keep this one at a reasonable read. Let's see if I can manage to keep the story of My "Twin Flame" awakening shortish, sweet and to the point.
At the beginning of 2019, I met a guy. He literally showed up at My door. Not kidding. When our eyes locked, I knew. It felt familiar, comfortable and just like home. The relationship it self was fast, furious and intense. He awakening My inner Goddess and I know I awakened his inner God.
It end with adultery. Really?, but, No big deal. It wasn't the first time I have been cheated on. BUT, it was the first time when I parted ways with the chatter, that I left the door open for future possibilities. I told him he could reach out to Me at any given time. I oddly still feel this way, even with all that has happened. Anyways, if anyone knows Me, then they know when I'm done, I am done and usually lock the door behind Me.
After we parted ways and I wrote the break up blog (read HERE). I tried My best to not think about the guy. Around 2 months post break-up, I tried to have sex with a new partner... BUT, It just didn't feel right. It felt like I wasn't being true to Myself. Which seriously fucked with My head because before this "twin flame guy", sex cured everything.
At any rate. I tried and tried having sex with different men but each experience lacked even more fulfillment than the last. At one point, I was like, "Crap! Am I going to turn into one of those female sex-workers that works with men but only dates women?" No judgment, really. I just know deep down I want a live-in MALE partner someday.
Anyhow, I've found Myself leaning towards personal celibacy these days. Which has offered so much space to evaluate MY sexual addiction, obsession and penis envy. Yes, I said, "Penis Envy," what? This Self contemplation has been important to this current redesign.
FYI Celibacy for Me equals: No Penetration & More on penis envy in the next blog...
Summer of 2019 saddens crypt in and I fell into extreme depression. I've dealt with My fair share of depression in My life time BUT nothing like this. Plus before this particular timeframe, My depression was always related to Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and if you read My past blogs during 2019, I share how DARK it got. I mean, I wanted to drink Myself to death repetitively. It was beyond sadness and felt suicidal. (AND that's why it's called The Dark Night of the Soul).
Okay, flash forward to February 18th 2020, the day before the 1 year anniversary of My male counterpart, aka twin flame, showing up on My front porch. I remember this day so clearly because it literally felt like this dude was in My body. AND, duh, it was undoubtable sexual energy. I could feel, taste, and smell him. I could hear his voice. I even recall My crotch was very pinchy all day, like a dick in chastity.
This was just the kick off of the weird mother fucking shit-storm that started happening to Me. He began visiting Me in My dreams, nightly. When I would wake up in the morning, the bedroom would smell like him. I would receive messages, images and synchronicities that I never could quite tell how to interpret.
His first and last name would pop up randomly. I got visuals of our past, present, and future life's together. Number patterns, twin flame imagery, and infinity signs would appear everywhere.
Sometimes when I would close My eyes I would see him standing in front of Me but in a completely different location from where I was at. I seriously did not know what to make of these downloads I was having, and, part of Me was feeling incredibly crazy. So, instead of talking to My doctor about the voices in My head, I turned to Google. I can't recall exactly what I typed in the search engine, nor the worm hole I followed there after. I just eventually stumbled upon the term Twin Flame and it fucking resonated. *110%
AND Again, If you've been keeping up with Me, you are already aware of how many times I have reached out to this specific past male love to try to connect. I mean fuck, who do you think was My receiver of the sexy maid house call on the night of the blue moon in October 2020 (read A Dating Mistress: Holiday Season 2020 part 1 to understand the reference).
Anyways, I was mainly reaching out to him in curiosity if he was having a similar experiencing. BUT, after a little more research on the subject of Twin Flames, the answer is NO! He's not. AND I still kinda believe he just sees Me as a fatal attraction. He did take the time to block Me on every means of communication; his phone, email etc.
Well, like I said above, I had rosy colored glasses on with the whole Twin Flame journey romance story that is feed to you on the inter webs. All the same I finally understood the true purpose of meeting your "Twin Flame." AND it's to awakening your consciousness. They're nothing but a catalyst to personal soul alignment. *Authentic self
You see some people take the path of their awaking through a major life event like; lost of a job, a relationship, prison, an illness or maybe an end of life experience. Some have a kundalini awakening that jump start it. Some people might need multiple mini shocks to the spirit before fully becoming woke. Some don't have a dark night of the soul like I did AND well some people just don't wake up.
By the way, I did learn on My internet search that not everyone meets their Twin Flame in this given life time, nor have a lasting relationship with them. BUT when or if they do, it feels like Zen when they come into conjunction and in the 3D. Hence the at home feeling when twins met and the soul aligns.
I will say, I am not surprised one bit that I chose the twin flame path for this life. I mean fuck! I love LOVE. I love LOVE so much that I love lovers loving. AND, fun fact, I'm totally a hopeless romantic. *blush
I had a light bulb illuminate on My holiday road trip. Actually, I had many. However, one of the big epiphanies that came to Me was, I needed to stop seeing My "Twin Flame" aka My soul, separate from Me. If that were the case, that would imply I am not whole. Or a better way to explain would be dualism AND well I know truth is non-duality.
I have made a conscious decision to let go of the romanticized idea of My Twin Flame and take the lessons learned from the WHOLE experience. Including the addiction to the obsession of My former male lover. AND, after closer observation, I realized I had/have under lining codependency and maybe intimacy issues blocking My growth. Hey, Don't we all?
OKAY! It feels like I've rambled on long enough about My Twin Flame voyage and such. I will say, I have zero expectations that My male counterpart will reappear in this life time. To be fair, I'm indifferent about that topic and open either way. It feels very freeing to let go of the devil energy associated with the physical person and well, with obsession, period. It allows Me to embrace the awakening of My conscious and the next glow up of My personal mindfulness.
I'm going to sign off by strongly encourage you to live in the present moment because, truthfully, right NOW is only thing we have. Not the 'what if's' of the past and/or the 'what if's' of the future.
Be in the Power of Now!
AND The journey continues to My Someday & Beyond. Until next time!
- Here's a great YouTube video series that helped Me understand the lifestyle shift that I needed to make to live the full feeling life I seek: Samadhi Movie Part 1 & Part 2
- The road trips repeat song was: KAMAUU - MANGO (feat. Adeline) [Official Music Video]
Photos by Klover Studio in Portland Oregon December 2020