"I've always been the Mistress & now it's time for Me to take the lead role!" -Ms. Monday Jones
It's interesting how when you finally make a decision or plans, the universe decides that's a good time to throw you curve balls. It is baseball season and all. AND My baseball mitt is handy. However, I have a thing for watching the sport not necessarily playing it. I'll also add that I'm not much of a team sport kinda participant. Wow, that made it sound like I'm not a team player. It's just that, I personal get off on independent sports like RUNNING. Duh. *eye roll
Musician on repeat right now: Dennis Lloyd Major feels when I listen to him. You can tell his craft comes from the soul. He has been inspiring Me to continue My dream of producing My own SOUL music/album. I love to make people cry. Maybe it's the sadist in Me.
Whatever the reason, it's quite the gift to emotional move people through the medium of music.
In My last blog (Read HERE) I announced that I was happily SINGLE!!! I even used the phrase "Completely Single". Yep, that's right. AND as soon as I made up My mind to focus on Myself, all these wonderful options surfaced. I even had a girl friend of the last 3 years come out of no where and asked Me out. I mean, I have been known to sleep with My friends. When I say "sleep with" I'm referring to sexual relations.
That isn't an invite to befriend Me in hopes to get a free ticket to My pussy. It's just something that has been apart of My journey. Oh yeah, and I'm actually still friends with most if not all of them after sharing such intimate moments. It takes a lot of vulnerability, acceptance and love to express sexual intimacy in general BUT then experiencing it within fluid mature loving relationships without attachment with your friends. There's definitely something to be said for that.
Dennis Lloyd: Snow White
I've been spending majority of the year 2021 between Portland Oregon and New York City. Hotels are cheap but not as cheap as the NYC properties right now. That being said, I've returned to Manhattan apartment hunting. I just couldn't ignore My intuition any longer. The Big Apple is My home. By the way apples are one of My favorite fruits.
My last trip to the city was a big influencer on this decision. I like made a billion movie moments while I was there! AND if you really know Me, you know how much I love making movie moments. Some might say that's cliche. BUT come on, My life is a bit cliché and I've been known to be gaddi from time to time. Any-who, I hope to express My life on the BIG screen someday. *bashful grin
A few of the many NYC film worthy moments from My last travels to the city were; The extra skip in My step when walking done the street and the other pedestrians took notice with head turns and cat calls. Running into friends while shopping and/or dinning out. Listening to jazz in Central Park. Running the cherry blossomed lined walk way along the Hudson River, Not one but 3 club/event appearances. Being interviewed for a Germany news paper/news channel.
Oh yeah! AND the shy man on West 37th between 6th and 7th who said "Hello Ms. Jones." as they walked by Me. You know who you are. Did I mention, I was covered from head to toe that day and the only body parts visible were My green eyes and hands. Eeekkk it can be fun to get noticed. *rosy cheeks
BUT there was this one BIG screen shot that really stands out AND in some odd way has changed My life for the better. More on that movie moment later...
Dennis Lloyd: GFY
I recently read and listened to the book Polysecure Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern. The author gives great advice on how to find and maintain healthily attachments not only in multiple partnerships but also with ones self. She even brings you up to date on the polyamorous language and coins the phase "Polysecure". Brilliant book, really BUT not every word is going too resonates. So, remember to filter out what doesn't serve you. I would even suggest this book for people that participate in monogamous style connections. AND I definitely recommend this read for couples that are beginning or navigating along the journey of opening up their relationship.
Even thou I gathered great information from this book, that will ultimately help Me not only with My relationship with Self and others but also how to guide My clients through consensual non monogamy as a lifestyle and intimacy coach. BUT to be honest, after I completed the book, I felt exhausted. I mean I am all for introspection BUT fuck when I closed the book after that last page I realized, WOW people can really mind fuck themselves with too much over thinking.
There is no one size fits all style of relationship. That would just be insane. Personally it seems natural to navigate the flow of each relationship uniquely with open dialogue, consent and check-ins along the way. BUT I also understand that not everyone is that comfortable with, able to or have the skills to do this. I think Polysecure would be a useful tool to identify relationship types and exam attachment styles. AND Remember attachments are learned behaviors and can be relearned.
I'm personally trying My best to practice no attachments and Being in the NOW as much as possible. AND I also, find the poly language to be slightly annoying and some seems too hierarchical.
Dennis Lloyd: Never Go Back
Random add in: Another great book on My shelf right now is, The Other End of the Leash; Why We Do What We Do Around Dogs By Patricia B. McConnell PH. D. First I'll share with you all, I love dogs and I am a bit of a sucker for any dog story. They make Me cry, Yo. BUT I am human, not a dog. AND there are times when I yell at My boys; Po and Bruce for being dogs and not being human. I know that's lame but fuck it's real. This book has helped Me understand My role of a pet owner and has smoothed out My relationship not only with My furry kids BUT My human pups too.
In some weird way, I kinda think of Myself as an expert in the romanic intimate collaboration department with others. I mean fuck, I've been simultaneously partnered with multiple people majority of, if not all of My 28+ year dating career in consensual non-monogamy. AND I somehow make a living off of it as an alternative life/sex coach and by being a Mistress/Shamanatrix.
Anyways, I was thinking about sharing some elaborate stories about how I've fucked for money most of life because fucking the system was what I was shown to Me by My white trash parents as I watched them sell food stamps for beer money. (This was in the 80's when food stamps come in paper form). AND let's get real here, I do have a thing for fucking the men AND sometimes that man is named Sam!
I think it's absolutely great how blunt and vague that last paragraph was. Okay ok, I will share a tiny tale of Me fucking Uncle Sam and move on to the New York Movie finale. I know how much you all like My story telling skills AND not so much My editing skills. *eyes look down
Dennis Lloyd: Nevermind
Once a upon a time, at the ripe age of 18, I married My high school boyfriend. I was the captain of the cheer squad and he the captain of the football and basketball team. Dame, power couple right out the gate. Okay ok, enough ego and let's get back to the fair tale. When I look back on the whole thing I see now that a big part of this marriage was for money.
No need to judge. A lot of people marry for money and it's all over history into current day; royal families, arranged marry, marring off the children for cattle, green cards weddings, young women marring super rich old men, and so on. We even have prenups to mediate the divorce before the marriage. By the way, I think prenups are smart.
So, the deal was I really wanted to go to collage and My dad's parents only offered to pay for the first born grandson. Even thou My older brother made a choice to not got too collage. My grandparents still made it clear that the school money was only for the first born grandson aka My brother AND equally clear they also spent the collage funds on new furniture and fabulous vacations to Las Vegas and Mexico.
PS I'm estranged from My blood family and have no intentions of changing that anytime soon. If ever.
Dennis Lloyd: Runaway
With all that said, I decided to marry My high school sweetheart, very well knowing it was not going to last. I did this to claim independence from My parents. Claiming only My income put Me in a spot to be eligible for government financial grants. I now have a $40k education for because of this. So yes, I have had sex for money by utilizing a government resource in My favor with a marriage document. By no means do I stand allow in this dilemma in the United Sates of America and other countries for that matter. The only difference is, I'm being publicly transparent about it, right now in this blog.
When I look back, this is not the only occurrence. I do have an ex-husband number 2 and two domestic partnerships under My belt.
Hey hey, I'm not sure what you were told about non-monogamist, but we are not all afraid of commitment. I truthfully love commitment and security with long lasting healthy one of a kind partnerships. I just know deep down inside it's unrealistic and unfair to not share intimacy with others and/or keep My legs closed. *belly laugh
PS Intimacy doesn't necessarily equal sexual relations.
I feel this need to confuse, just because I associate with an alternative lifestyle in not only ethical non-monogamy but also in the realm of BDSM doesn't means I have a super power where I am free of humanistic emotional shit like jealousy and don't deal with codependency. Not true. Consensual non-monogamy and BDSM dynamics offers Me a safe place to explore My human being experience with a safe containment through an authentic way, while maintaining radical honesty and My genuine Self. Ha! *sly grin
Dennis Lloyd: Playa
However, if I really want to be radically honest, then I will openly share with you, that along My journey, I too have chatted, lied and manipulated without consent to get what I wanted. As an observer, looking back on My life with a now mental mind set of non-dualism, this just is. No one to blame. Just take the lessons in for what they are. A learning experience. A HUMAN BEING experience. AND I'm proud to say, it's a thing of My past because CONSENT IS SEXY AF, YO!
I do kinda view marriage as a modern day prostitution. Maybe that has something too with being born and raised in the Pacific Northwest. The West coast is known for it's progressive mentality. By no means am I speaking for the whole West coast. However, I would like to add in, that back in the latter 1700's, while recruiting future United States of America West coast settlers the government offered married couples equal land opportunities (aka money). Mmmmm *curious face
Side note: Did you know that in some states domestic partnerships and their family can be added to your employment health care? Of course, read the small print and every employer's insurance is different. Hints why I have had 2 domestic partners this far in this lifetime. Fucking health insurance ins't cheap in the US either...
Dennis Lloyd: Leftovers
I heard somewhere "The third times the charm." Yet, I have no clue if I'll ever marry again. It feels like false security mashed up with western religion and societal norms. Which in My opinion, is fucked up? Like there's a standard to uniting in LOVE. That's like saying there's a standard in illegal sex-work.
Anyhow, I could maybe help someone get their green card or someone help Me with dual citizenship. The only thing is, My future spouse will have to understand I am not only marring them for LOVE. If you get My drift. AND Yes, for ME, obviously there would be love involved in this kind of arrangement. UGG! Too bad the English language is so limited and there's only one word that describes LOVE.
Furthermore...
I kinda see relationships as business deals BUT where this Boss Lady wants all parties involved set up for success. Not sure if that makes much since either AND may of come off like I'm a bit cold comparing those two. I am an Aquarius with an inventive way to Me. *cheesy grin
Blah okay, I do believe in loving unions AND I for see a coupling ceremony or possibly a few in My future BUT REALLY there's no need for the government to be invited unnecessarily in a union of LOVE. Just My opinion.
Confession. I don't REALLY want to give up dating AND eventually would like to come out of My year plus long phase of personal celibacy. So, I started to shift My prospective and asked Myself and few questions "How can I be independent dependent in relationships with others?" and "How can I do this without attachments or expectations?" and If attachments, codependency and/or other trauma arise in the relationship, "How to use it as an opportunity to connect, transform it and rise above?" In all relationships including the one I have with Myself.
I guess if I had to, I would refer to My current approach to dating as solo-poly. It's the style of poly that has Self as the primary. Look is up, it's in the book Polysecure. *smile
Dennis Lloyd: Demons
As promised, let's end this A Dating Mistress Blog entry with that BIG New York City movie magic moment that has forever changed My life. A little back story first.
As I mentioned in My last blog (Read HERE) I've been noticing number patterns and sequences. Well, a month or so before My BIG screen appearance on the streets of NYC, I saw the number 69 everywhere. I know, I'm a pervert. 69 on license plates, in phone numbers, addresses and graffitied throughout My city runs. It actually started to make Me laugh how persistent this number was being.
On a Saturday night I entered the Manhattan club NSFW. AND BAM! Right at the door on the desk in the lobby where you sign in, there was that re-occurring number 69. I took note of course and proceeded about My night. I will say, the sex club was intoxicating and through out My time there, I found Myself gravitating towards the front desk to collect Myself after long stretches of voyeurism. AND this is where I collaborated in the most lovely conversations with a beautiful greek man who happened to be perched up next to the number 69.
The next day I found a DM on My personal IG Account from the greek gentleman, inviting Me to some live music later in the week. I honestly didn't think much of it and told them if I had time in My schedule, I would possibly show up. A couple of nights later, I found My calendar empty. So with nothing but an address, I waved down a taxi and looked forward to a night off with some live music.
Due to streets blocked off for outdoor eating throughout the Village, the cabby had to drop Me off a block or two away. Did I mention it was a wet rainy Manhattan night and I was wearing My sweet Christian Louboutin black ankle booties. Anyways, I walked a block or so and almost missed the door along the brick wall to the club.
In perfect timing, a man was stepping out of the door with nothing but an address numbers above it, as I was about to entry. He made a bit of a ruckus with My arrival, like I wasn't supposed to be there. I honestly wasn't catching on to everything he was saying because I was taken away by the piano music echoing from the bottom of the treacherous stairs I had to face heading down into the club.
I shared with the man at the door who invited Me. He told Me to wait there and before long the greek fellow was there to accompany Me down each step. When I got to the landing, I looked around and noticed I was only one of 6 people in the venue with 3 musicians on a very tiny stage. Then it dawned on Me, this was an exclusive invite in to the jazz club Smalls. (Listen live HERE). This club has been on My list of places to visit for a long time now. At least two decades.
Ummmmm yeah, so I felt special. How could you fucking not, right?
Back to the guy from Greece and I. We shared a lovely time. We enjoyed each others company in the intimate environment. We sipped on scotch. We smoked pot. AND We both took in some amazing and deeply emotional music. I believe I even cried a little when swept up in the moment with a melancholy piano solo.
The night ended and it was time to go. I followed a nice greek ass up the steep stairs and out the door into the rain. I pulled My extra large Burberry trench coat hood up over My head just barely getting My face misted from the wet skies. We turned into each other, and when our eyes met, he asked for a kiss.
Fuck yeah I said YES!
Our voluptuous lips locked for what seemed like 4-Ever. It was passionate. It was full of all sorts of feels. Tingles from My head to My toes. Butterflies in My tummy kinda yummy. It was juicy and it was all types of wetness. Such a delicious Sex in the City moment. We parted ways and I hailed a cab back to My hotel.
I have no attachments or expectations to the out come with the New York City Greek God. I'm grateful for our souls came into alignment AND we got a chance to collaborate in a shared HUMAN BEING experience. Oh wait! I do recall telling you all that this particular movie moment was a life changer. It was, by reminding Me that I have a hell of a lot more movie moment to be made in this lifetime. AND it's inspiring Me to keep following the flow My instinct, trust My intuition, don't overthink it and remain in the present moment because that's where living LIFE really happens.
The power of NOW is real.
Dennis Lloyd: Anxious
Dennis Lloyd: Acts & Results (Full EP)
*The music placement has no rhyme or reason. So no need to try to read between invisible lines... **winky face
Other Books I am currently reading:
*The last book was gifted to Me by My sweet violet who I just started to work with this spring. It's about an American woman in search of her forever Italian home. Inspiration, I think so. Oddly though, I had a psychic friend tell Me a while back, I shouldn't exclude Greece while house hunting throughout the Mediterranean. Mmmmm interesting
Photographs taken in Portland Oregon December 2020