"I've always been the Mistress & now it's time for Me to take the lead role!" -Ms. Monday Jones
I currently have three bouquets of flowers placed in the living room of My Portland Oregon townhouse: violet-colored tulips, antique lavender-colored roses and white star lilies. It smells so spring in My house.
The $50 My pay pig gave Me the other day for flowers at the Manhattan studio is burning a hole in my pocket. I'm already imagining the long-stemmed roses I want to purchase from the local florist. Flowers are My love language.
Spring, though, isn't My favorite season in the Pacific Northwest. It feels like I never really get a chance to dry out from all the wetness in this rainforest environment. Not only do My allergies suffer from the yo-yo weather patterns of sunshine-rain-and-back-again-to-sun, but so do My moods.
Don't get me wrong, I do see beauty in the Spring, especially the beauty in all the blooming flowers. There's something beautiful when the spring-like weather moves into the early summer weather with chilly mornings and hot afternoons. Sunshine makes My heart sing joyously.
I feel like sunshine might be another one of My love languages.
I'm personally happy to be saying good-bye to spring and hello to summer. I absolutely love the rotation of the Earth into the longer daylight hours. I am one that definitely follows the sun. I mean, I did just refer to the sun as My love language and all. I actually get loopy sometimes when the goes down. I might develop sundowners in My older years of this life. Sundowners is late-day confusion in the elderly.
SONG: House of the Rising Sun by The Animals (Listen HERE)
Domcon LA was another Domcon under My belt. Being one of the nine guests of honor was quite the honor. I even got a plaque that now hangs out by My bathroom sink. I showed up to all of the scheduled events that were required of Me, even if My inner child really, really wanted to rebel. My sub violet made sure to keep Me on track like the good little girl she is.
Of course I ran into My spicy red-headed former girlfriend while I was in Los Angeles. Duh, we are in the same fucking industry and LA is her home base. I heard through the grapevine that she is now the new owner of an existing dungeon in downtown LA. Of course I congratulated her. That's quite an endeavor, and I know she was talking about it before I broke things off between us last year. I only wrote about this relationship twice and both blog entries refer to our break up: A Dating Mistress: Goodby Winter, Hello Spring 2021 (View HERE) & A Dating Mistress: Autumn '21 Equinox (View HERE).
I did extend an olive branch to My ex-girlfriend but did not receive a reply. To be continued...
SONG: Monday Monday by The Mamas & The Papas (Listen HERE)
I began the month of May with the flu. I laid on the couch and stared at the space between My face and wall for about two weeks, until I felt good enough to move again. Ugh! I hate being sick. I don't really know anyone that really likes being sick.
No, I didn't test Myself with a "free" at home COVID test while I was under the weather with the flu. I have a few issues with this "new" way of being sick post-COVID pandemic. Pre-pandemic no one would test for a scratchy throat and/or sniffly nose or just because. Most people would take some over-the-counter medication and go about their business.
Am I wrong, here?
What the fuck is up with all this "free" COVID testing?!? New York City is littered with med tents on every corner in Midtown Manhattan. Plus, you can get up to eight "free" COVID tests sent right to your front door. What the fuck, people? "Free" and government don't make sense in the same sentence. I'm pretty sure I'm paying for these "free" tests.
Yep, I said it. I said that I'm paying for these "free" tests. So are you. Well, if you pay taxes in the United States of America, then you're paying for these "free" tests, too. I miss the good old days, where you didn't test when you felt ill or to attended a social event. You just stayed home until you recover from being sick.
SONG: Son of a Preacher Man by Dusty Springfield (Listen HERE)
I finally cut My outgrown mohawk. Yes, It's a big change and the haircut is ugly. Yes, I said ugly. I'm not saying I'm ugly. I'm saying the hairstyle is. It's shaved up on the sides like a mohawk, wide in the back like a mullet and long sideburns like a Chelsea cut. It's as if I have three punk dos in one. Aw, oh well. It's just hair and it will grow out, eventually.
SONG: Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down) by Nancy Sinatra (Listen HERE)
While laid up recovering from the flu, I re-watched the Samadhi Movie's Part 1-3 by Awaken the World Film.
Part 1: Maya, the Illusion of the Self (Watch HERE)
Part 2: It's Not What You Think (Watch HERE)
Part 3: The Pathless Path (Watch HERE)
Seriously these movies have enriched My life immensely. I know I've shared about Samadhi in a past blog but it felt relevant to share again. I love it when I can revisit the some book, movie, podcast, etc., and it still expands My mind with the same knowledge presented. Revisiting these movies also reminded Me that it's time to plan My annual macro dose of Psilocybin mushrooms soon.
Therapy has been real work. I'm seeing a somatic practitioner, one that does similar work that I do with My company Star Gaia (View HERE). My therapist's name is Renee Barnett (View HERE). I've been working with her long enough to notice that I'm doing the work. By no means am I perfect nor is perfect what I'm seeking.
Perfection is unrealistic.
I'm ultimately trying to heal some past trauma that's been stored in My body over time and recently resurfaced through unpleasant visual flashbacks. The work I'm doing with Renee is uncovering these troublesome memories, identifying/feeling the emotions, and rewiring My thought pattern/trauma response.
I'm seeking daily balance and practicing emotional intelligence to the best of My abilities. I'm working through My childhood PTSD, breaking down the foundation, and re-writing My story. This work isn't for the faintest.
Since I strongly believe the body keeps the score, I've decided to add bodywork through massage and chiropractic care to My monthly health regiment. Yoga and infrared sauna on a weekly. My running and weight lifting workouts are now being programed by My personal trainer/nutritionist. I'm regularly visiting with My naturopath and colonic tech. Yep, lots of work to fix a faulty foundation. Self-care is time-consuming and it's not cheap.
SONG: I Say a Little Prayer by Aretha Franklin (Listen HERE)
I've had some time to think since My last blog A Dating Mistress: April Showers Bring May Flowers (View HERE). I've decided to put house hunting to a halt for a moment in Portland, Oregon. I'm now looking for office space. Yep, you got that right. I'm exploring the option of opening up an office space in Manhattan, New York. My broker is already working on the assignment.
I also decided to cancel the Honolulu Marathon in December 2022. The marathon distance of 26.2 miles isn't My favorite distance to run. Plus the cost to travel to Hawaii right now is expensive. BUT it all came down to: who really cares if I don't have a race on My calendar this year?
I've got a lot of other stuff in the forefront to keep Me occupied. AND just because I don't have a race on My schedule for the year doesn't mean I'm not an athlete. I'm definitely still training like an athlete with My two-hour-a-day workouts, five days a week. All it means is that I took some time off from competing.
Regardless, My current "marathon" is the commute between Portland, Oregon and Manhattan, New York City.
SONG: California Dreamin' by The Mamas & The Papas (Listen HERE)
I sold My Land Rover. I used the cash to pay off all My debt. This clean slate feels amazing. I feel so responsible as if I'm an adult or something. With Me selling My SUV, I will now be driving My 1975 Chevy Nova SS daily. AND thank goodness My commutes around Portland are short because gas prices are breaking the bank these days.
Now, I'm told the gas prices are high because of war in Ukraine. BUT I'm not sure if that's really why or just a thing people say when there's a war going on somewhere in the world and gas prices suddenly rise. AND isn't there always a war going on somewhere on this planet?!?
Speaking of war, what the fuck is this shitshow on abortions in the United States of America right now? WTF? I just can't believe in the day and age we currently live in that this is still a fucking subject that is debated.
All this fucking talk about unborn babies and no acknowledgement for the wellbeing for the living babies 18 years and younger. Seriously people. There's been 242 school shootings in the United States to the date of the release of this blog entry, starting with Thurston High School May 21, 1998 (View HERE) to the most recent shooting at Robb Elementary School May 24, 2022 (View HERE).
Why aren't we talking about children's mental health? Is it too big of an inconvenience? We don't need new gun laws. AND doesn't it seem like gun sales increase when Democrats threaten gun reform. Mmmm interesting. In My opinion, we need better healthcare in this country. We need a country that looks after the wellbeing of its citizens. BUT first we need a country that actually cares.
I'm honestly surprised there has not been a shooting in a Florida school with their recent ban of the word "gay" being used in grade schools or something wonky like that. I mean, come on Florida. You really need to go fuck yourself. AND that's coming from a mama of a "gay" child that shared openly about their sexual preference at the age of 7. That's right, My kid knew their preference at age 7.
I'm so not proud to be an American, right now.
SONG: Me and Bobby McGee by Janis Joplin (Listen HERE)
Quick update with My OnlyFans: Fuck OnlyFans. Update done. No, that's not the full update. I'm still under investigation for a discrepancy. The discrepancy is unknown to Me and I do not get a straight answer when I ask. In the meantime, the company has been withholding My earnings. Just an FYI: I will not be posting any more content on My OnlyFans profile after June 2022.
I was thinking about setting up a Patreon, as stated in a past blog post. BUT I decided to fuck Patreon too. I'm in the beginning stages of developing My own membership site. Yep, that's right, I'm going to by pass all these 60/40 platforms and have My own unique fan site. Best part, I get a 100% cut producing and operating My own membership site.
Last, but not least, a little update about My submissives. My pay pig is helping Me with the office rental in Manhattan. Just like the good little piggy he is. My subbie boi is doing great with his co-parenting duties with My boys Po Po Tiny and Bruce. I'm actually learning a lot from his style of puppy parenting. My sub violet and I have regrouped, re-evaluated and reactivated Our/our agreements.
Now for My Italian boi friend. He's still talking a lot. He's awfully dramatic too. BUT best of all, he's greatly vulnerable when in chastity. He's vulnerable to a point where he becomes speechless. AND I like the way he sounds when he shuts up.
We/we are still getting to know one another. That's an ongoing thing that takes time. I sometimes find Myself triggered by him, and I don't always display the most emotional intelligence I know I'm capable of. I'm learning not only about Myself but how I interact in relationship with another. For the most part, I like who I am when I'm with him. And I'm fully aware My emotions are on the line here and that feels like high stakes.
SONG: These Boots Are Made for Walkin' by Nancy Sinatra (Listen HERE)
Monday in Manhattan
July 27th-August 2nd
BOOK: Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life by Amy Gahran (View HERE)
YOUTUBE: The Four Attachment Styles of Love by Psych2Go (Watch HERE)
WEBSITE: Bound NYC (View HERE)
TED TALK: How to Discover Your Authentic Self - at Any Age by Bevy Smith (Watch HERE)
ARTICLE: 12 Ways to Let Go of Jealousy by Crystal Raypole (Read HERE)
ONLINE COURSE: Dysregulation Bootcamp by Crappy Childhood Fairy (View HERE)
FREE ONLINE WORKSHOPS: Loving Without Boundaries (View HERE)
*Loving Without Boundaries is a wonderful online resource for open relationships.
Photos done by Wyld Wood Photography in West Linn, Oregon on December 9, 2021